Communication

For almost seven years, I've been walking next to this man, spending all of my nights with him, and living every day, imperfectly, with him in mind. I've been paying attention to marriage for much longer than that though, watching humans succeed and fail.

God created the marriage relationship because it wasn't good for man to be alone. Matt needs me, and I need to be needed.

God also created the love between a husband and wife to be a neon sign pointing to how much He loves us. If we are loving each other well, people see that love and wonder about the good, selfless, kind, and faithful love of God.

What are some of the ways that you can purpose to show each other big love?

1. Make the time to talk during the day.

When you're dating, you text, call, email, write letters, and make every opportunity you can to see each other. You revolve your time around communicating as you gather and give information about each other. After marriage, you know so much about each other, and if you're not careful, you'll stop learning more.

You have to make time throughout the day to say, "Even though I have other things I'm doing, you're more important. How are you?" Whether this is spotty text messages, phone calls on lunch break, or a picture of something you've experienced today, it's vital to your marriage that you communicate when you're apart.

2. Purpose to spend time together.

Matt and I made a promise to each other before we got married that we would never spend 24 hours apart, if we could help it. We had heard an awful story about a couple that had been married for over 25 years, but they had spent so much time apart that their marriage was nothing more than a couple of roommates who weren't even friends. That's an extreme example, and our decision is extreme as well, but you have to make time to enjoy each other, on purpose.

Even in the busy hustle of business building, baby raising, and extra job working, Matt and I make time to do the things together. We make sales calls/ canvas for the business together. When he's working an extra job that's quick or for a friend or family member, Charlotte and I ride along to spend the time with him. Even just the extra time in the car to sing and pray and talk is precious and valuable.

3. Talk about your dreams. Verbalize your thoughts.

We aren't the same, Matt and I. Some of our dreams are dreams we both dream and some of them belong just to me or just to him, but we take the time to talk about them: to dream them together. Don't just talk about them, though. You also have to get into the harness together and pull hard towards the future. Even after years and years of marriage, you can't assume that your spouse knows what you are thinking/wanting/dreaming.

Have you asked your spouse what they dream about? Have you told your spouse your dreams recently? Have you dreamed that dream out loud in front of them and asked them to walk with you?

Before we got married, Matt and I heard someone talk about pink and blue microphones and pink and blue headphones. The idea being that when I speak, I speak with a pink microphone, but Matt hears with blue headphones. We have biological differences and can easily assume things incorrectly if we don't clarify. It's important to say things out loud and talk them all the way out.


There's room for success and failure here. There's opportunity for selfishness or selflessness. Take the time to communicate. Make the time to communicate.

Have Matt and I done this perfectly? Absolutely not. Some days I am selfish and it hurts our communication, and some days Matt fails too, but God has given us the perfect example of love, and we desire to act that out on earth so people can look at our marriage and say, "Man, I'm glad to see selfless love in this selfish, hateful world."