peace in the midst of a stillbirth

Thousands of people have seen our son's picture and read the story of the day I found out we had lost him. I hope they saw in that post that God was faithful to us, even in the midst of pain and death.

But I wish in that post, I had referenced a previous post, because God wasn't just faithful to us that day when the nurse cried before Matt arrived at the hospital. He didn't just remind us of His love for Christian on the way home from the hospital without our baby. God gave us peace that He had a perfect plan and a heart full of love for Matt, me, and our son Christian, before we knew we would lose him.

Over two weeks ago, Christian took a break from moving. Whether it was because of the cord defect that eventually took his life, or not, at that point, I was scared for our baby's life, and my heavenly Father gave me peace. Peace, not that he would live, but that even if he didn't, it would only be because that was what was best for our family.

The Bible says that God knows the plans He has for us. Plans of peace and not of evil. This is an excerpt from the post I wrote weeks before we lost our son: I want you to know that even if this becomes the greatest trial Matt and I have been through, God has already proved Himself to be more than enough for us.

Today we took back the carseat that our son didn't get to leave the hospital in, so that some other baby can ride in it. Today I found one of Christian's shirts in the dryer, and it hurt my heart. It isn't easy. In fact, it's horribly hard, but even in this our God is faithful to give peace and comfort. I want to shout it loudly to anyone who is listening: Our son, who we have hoped and prayed our whole lives for, died last week, and God is nothing but love.

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