twenty-three weeks: movement

He was moving so often, it was natural for me to sit with my hand placed somewhere on my belly to feel him. My husband, my sister, and others had felt him, and then one evening, I realized I couldn't remember having felt him move that day. The day had been busy: full of Christmas shopping, laundry, dishes, and wrapping presents. I had been on my feet more than I am most days (my secretarial job involves a lot of sitting), and I only sat down to crochet for twenty minutes.

So I jostled my tummy a bit, poking and prodding my little baby, and sat, waiting to feel him. He didn't move. That evening I sat for two hours at my in-laws house, crocheting my silent child a blanket while muppets sang and danced a few feet away. I didn't feel him.

That night in bed, Matt and I prayed for our baby together, like we often do. I had peace that came out in the sentence, "What I want most for Christian in all the world is that he know God and His Son Jesus Christ. If he never moves again, he'll get to know them better than we do."

The next day, at work, my dad asked casually, "Everything ok with the baby?" I told him I hadn't felt him move recently, which was only strange because he'd been moving so much at the beginning of the week. My dad prayed with me, but echoed what Matt and I had prayed, "We've already trusted you with Christian. You're the only one we trust with him."

On my trip back down the unlit hallway to my office from my father's, the verse in Jeremiah (29:11) played in my head, "... I know the plans I have for you..." God knew. He knew the outcome of this pregnancy before I was born. When I got back to the office there was a text from Matt that said, "Christian will be fine, either way..." Either way. Even in death, our baby will be fine. Better than fine, really. Our baby will be with Jesus if he dies (2 Samuel 12:23), which is better; best even.

I drank a cup of coffee (which I don't do), in hopes that it would make him wiggle. I haven't felt him yet. It's noon on the second day. Probably, and it is what we wish to be true, Christian is just taking a break from kicking me, but I want you to know that even if this becomes the greatest trial Matt and I have been through, God has already proved Himself to be more than enough for us.

Update: In the evening, on the third day, Christian moved enough that I was sure I felt him, immediately following my in-laws sitting in the car outside their house, praying to our God that I would feel him move. God is faithful to us. Even if the outcome had been something harder to be handed, God is faithful to us.