Debt. Again.

"... If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss,
and lose, and start again at your beginnings,
and never breathe a word about your loss..."
- Rudyard Kipling

I thought about leaving this blog post out of this space, but it belongs here, with the rest of our imperfect story.

When we paid off our mortgage, it had a finality to it. We were done with debt. Our twenty-two month hustle was LONG AND HARD, but over, and we were out, breathing the debt free air on the other side!

We had this awesome plan to live in our camper while we sold our previous house and then use cash to buy the next house... BUT

Then a house came to market in my in-law's neighborhood... and we made the decision to jump, with a plan still in place, of course, to pay off the new mortgage this year (by selling the other house and then attacking the remaining debt: top priority)... BUT

God has been using 2020 to say to me with a megaphone, "We're not always going to go with your plan, Amanda. My plan is for your good, trust me."

The economy went sideways, shortly after we returned from South Africa at the end of February, and Matt's business (window cleaning, power washing, and gutter cleaning) lost a lot of its regular (weekly, biweekly, monthly) work due to business closures / belt tightening, and we find ourselves here, with two homes, a lack of work, slim emergency funds, and a baby on the way.

Sometimes women say things to me like, "It's good to hear that your marriage isn't perfect." or "Sometimes I've envied you." and it's only fair to shout into this room...

I lost 76 pounds one time, but I am currently no where near my all-time low.

I paid off $79,000.00 in debt, but we now owe over double that.

Life is imperfect over here, just like anywhere else. 

Yes, it is full of love and forgiveness, which not everyone has, but our life is often sloppy and selfish. This virus coming in this season, feels like that dream where you're naked on the balcony of your college chapel, and jumping off into the pews below is weighed as a solid option.

So, to summarize: we're back in debt, with every intention of paying it off as quickly as we're able, but also, facing a new reality of not being able to plan in the usual ways. At least we have goals to work towards!

God, in this month, has proven, again, that He can do what we can not do. He wants us to ask Him to give us our daily bread, and getting back to looking to Him for the small things that we were getting used to "providing for ourselves" has been something that I know we're meant to learn during this difficult season.