Covid-19

We'd only been back from South Africa a couple of weeks when the virus changed everything familiar and normal. We came back with clear direction from God that we weren't called to full-time mission work with Little Fish, and we were ready to serve in our home church with the teens, Bible printing, and school ministry. We had a camper to finish to move into, one house to get market-ready and sell, and then a new home to work on, slowly.

I know you already know this information, but I type these things out for future me as much for anyone else.

The virus has made big waves, quickly. In Virginia, all non-essential businesses are now closed (or limited to ten or less people inside + stricter sanitation). Matt's workload halved overnight as mom and pop shops close their doors for a time and humans practice social distancing and tighten their financial belts. Of course there are humans everywhere (South Africa was the perfect reminder of that) who have less than we do, but emotionally this has been the hardest week of my life. I don't know how else to say it.

I'm logical. I know, know, know, know, know that everything will be ok. That God has good and perfect gifts in this. That all things work together for good. That His eye is on the sparrow and how much more on us! That my affections are to be set on things above and not on things on the earth. BUT that doesn't change the emotions I feel this week.

Pregnancy adds these illogical hormones + we have two houses + stuff in boxes + no home + lots of work to do to get our house up for sale + Matt's work is slow + money is low + relationships are off + we aren't allowed to leave our house/see people + I feel isolated. What I'm saying is that I've been low and dark in ways I never have before, and I didn't need to be told that there are other people who have it worse (I know) or that it would all be ok (I know); I needed to be assured that this is hard, and it's ok to be sad and grieve the life/month/year/pregnancy you thought you were going to experience and won't.

I hadn't been ready to type anything up (this poor, silent corner of the internet), and then yesterday I turned an emotional corner, reading through the hymn book while the girls colored on the floor nearby, "O, Soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see. There's light for a look at the Savior, and life more abundant and free. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

Then a friend prayed over me specifically, out loud (virtually), and I needed that.

Then another friend sent me Scripture, starting with Psalm 34:17-19, "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all."

In the midst of those friends reaching out, I saw the news that all non-essential businesses had to close, and I thought Matt's business would be forced to close for a month. It, strangely, flooded me with such peace. Suddenly, instead of being worried that we had very little work, it was all out of our hands. Nothing we could do about it. How refreshing.

Then, when we listened to the governor's speech, it became clear that Matt can still run his business since his business doesn't involve touching anyone and can be practiced with ten or less people around at any given time (he power washes, cleans gutters, and does exterior window cleanings as well, so all of those can be done without ever coming in contact with anyone + over the phone/through the mail payments). It came to me like another gift. Everything was out of our hands, but then permission to continue working, so even though work is slow, the gift of income.

I think the hardest part for me is that I'm a planner and when the future is so unclear, there's nothing to plan.

I'm feeling refreshed and clearer today.

Matt's lack of work is perfect for all the things we need to finish on the house that we're still hoping to sell in the near future! The camper experience has been fun! I'll post an "in-progress" post to show you the state of the camper later this week. Our baby is wiggling and healthy! If you haven't heard yet, it's a girl! Little lady number three! There's a lot to catch up on y'all!

How are you all holding up? I know it's different for different people, but if it's hard for you to be isolated/unable to plan, I'm here with you in that same boat, and I'm happy to listen/pray for you!